This means war!
by vendetta543
Summary: After much research, Laura has found out something disturbing: Ichika's been spending more time with everybody except her! Desperate measures must be taken in order to make sure her wife stays hers. As the old saying goes "All is fair in love and war". It was a good thing she knew both so well.
1. The prelude to destruction

**Random idea that I got. Since I have other stories to worry about, I'll try not to be too description heavy or anything for this story since it's not meant to be taken seriously or a priority. The idea for this came from a fic I read a few months ago. I wish I can remember the story title:( All I remember is it was about Illya and Fate Stay Night.**

**Anybody who finds out said fic and gives me the title will get a homemade oatmeal and raisin cookie from me:D**

**Next story update is either Daydreams or Synchronicity.**

* * *

Laura sat in her room, thinking. This was rare for her, all things considered.

Usually she would be up and about, doing whatever little flights of fancy stroked her substantially advanced cerebellum (Fancy).

But today was different. Oh no, she had something dire to think about. Something that she needed to find a solution for before it was too late.

Ichika hadn't been paying much attention to her recently. Now, this wasn't a problem in and of itself (despite his once in a lifetime position, he never seemed to notice the attention he received from the fairer sex). Him not paying attention to her wasn't the problem.

No, it was because he was paying attention to everyone _but her_!

She wasn't imagining it! Oh no, she was sure! She saw the way he looked at Houki, the little laughs he gave Cecilia, the scared screams he gave Rin (Okay, that wasn't very romantic, but it was something!), and the small blushes he had when Charlotte (Her best friend!) got a little too close for comfort.

What did she have? If your answer is nothing, then you would be right!

Nothing. No reaction, not even a teensy little gasp. Sure, the first time she showed up in his room naked he had blushed and started flailing around, but now there was nothing. Whenever she showed up in his room, all he'd do was sigh irritably and tell her to go back to her own room.

And before you say that sighing is something, don't! It wasn't anything unique for her. Heck, even the instructor got a small chill and the beginnings of tears!

She heard that sigh from him whenever he received hard homework or when there was trouble. Was that all she was to him? Trouble?

No, she never made trouble for him. Not at all. Sure she was a bit rough on training him at times, but he never complained about that.

...Ignoring the occasional. "Ow, my arm! Ah, legs don't bend that way! My spleen! No, not my greatest treasure!"

What did he even mean by the last one? Clarissa told her that a wife treated her (or his, in this case)spouse as their greatest treasure. So what was he yelling about? She wasn't going anywhere.

This despite the lack of attention she got from him. Wasn't he lucky to have her?

She needed to do something about this and fast.

"Computer, connect to the Shwarzer Haze base now!" She stated.

The computer in front of her flickered s before Clarissa's visage appeared. This was a super secure channel with a triple binary code and fixed with a super secret codeword that only her and Clarissa knew. Their brains were also hardwired to give out the wrong phrase in the unlikely event someone managed to coerce or torture them into giving out their knowledge of the code. In short, it was an ultra rare channel that should be used only in the most dire and important of circumstances.

"Clarissa, I need relationship advice!"

...This was important.

"Ah, is it about the Orimura boy again?" She teased. As the oldest of the unit, even older than their commander, Clarissa had the unofficial spot as the big sister of the unit. Up till recently, everyone but Laura had been asking her for advice on different things ranging from assassinations, weapons fire, or even boys and their preferences. Whatever they needed, she could answer, "Is there anything in particular you need to know?"

"Ichika's not paying attention to me!"

...Except that.

She was good in a lot of things, but it didn't include regaining a guys attention after you already make the first strike. God knows she'd be clueless if Joshua suddenly decided to start ignoring her.

Good thing the hypersonic eye upgrade included a "no suicide" protocol implant.

"Ah...well, is there any particular reason for why?" Clarissa dared to ask.

"No!" Laura slammed her hands on the table. Were Clarissa not on the other side of a computer miles away, she probably would have yelled, "I mean, I don't understand it! I'm doing everything like a good spouse should and I always spend time with him. Why isn't he doing the same?"

Laura was hopelessly clueless why. Clarissa was too, if not more so. All the manga she read pointed to everything going to a happy ending as long as Laura followed it.

"Did you make him breakfast?" Clarissa asked.

A good spouse always made their significant other feel comfortable whenever possible. It was a sign of both their love and respect for one another.

"Yes, I made him my best meal." She stated proudly. She specifically researched on which rations were voted the best on the UN meets (France was doing best. Charlotte must've been proud.) and which energy drinks gave the best boost in all bodily functions (Though Ichika ran to the bathroom after he drank it complaining of it "energizing something that shouldn't be energized" with his hands between his legs).

It was the perfect meal. She even especially made sure that the drink had that v-something or whatever that energized men specifically.

Okay, no problem there then, "How about your attire? Did you remember to wear the-"

"Yes, I remembered." Laura interrupted her, "The pink apron with the heart on the chest with nothing underneath it. I made sure to lean forward every time I needed to, and even when I didn't need to, just like those diagrams you showed me. ...He didn't even look like he wanted to ravage me, not even a little..."

"Not even a little?" Clarissa was worried now. This shouldn't be happening, not at all. All research showed that the normal guy would kill for the situation Ichika was in. Only those who were clueless, asexual, or had girlfriends were immune. And even then they weren't completely immune, not at all.

"Yes, and I don' know what to do!" She smashed her hand on the table again, much to Clarissa's discomfort, "He spends more time with the Houki, Cecilia, Rin, and Charlotte compared to me. Am...Am I not good enough? Did I do something wrong?" She asked no one in particular.

"No, it isn't your fault." At least she hoped it wasn't. It certainly wasn't her fault, what with having access to the latest information (Shojo manga) available and Laura's abundant charm. There's no way it could be either of their fault. That left only one answer.

It must be one of the other girls fault!

"Commander!" Clarissa shouted, "You said he spends more time with the other girls instead of you, why is this so?"

"Huh? Well, Ichika practices kendo with Houki, Cecilia invites him to tea or some nonesense in her room, Rin drags him around for training and makes thinly veiled threats whenever he complains, and Charlotte asks him to go with her to the mall every weekend to go shopping for Japanese food ingredients." She listed off.

"Exactly!" Laura just gave her a blank look in response to her so called epiphany, "Don't you get it? It's simple really. It's not the activities that are important, it's what they're doing with them! Oh, I never realized how good your rivals could be! I should have seen this coming!"

Laura was confused, "Wait...wait, saw what coming? Are they doing something complex?"

"Yeah! Don't you get it?" It was apparent she didn't, so asking that was redundant, "Their appeal! Appeal! They're using their best traits and attributes to show him why they should pick them! Tsundere! Yandere! Nobility! And even cooking! No man can resist going into their primal state when faced with those all at once!" Clarissa was practically drooling at the mouth, something most unbecoming for the second in command of the Haze.

"We-Well...what should I do then?" Laura asked nervously.

"Fufufufu, isn't it obvious, commander?" Clarissa's grin practically lit up the small room with its radiance. Well, maybe it actually did light up the room. Ichika always said that the hypersensor eye was somewhat glow in the dark, "The most basic (and probably best) tactic we were all taught is to beat our enemies at their own game. If one of them is using Tsundere tactics? Beat them with your own tsundere charm! Yandere? Same deal! Using the weapons of the enemy against them is one of the most common tactics men and women have used since the dawn of time."

Ah, now it all made sense! If she viewed them as enemies (Though they were still her friends. Especially Charlotte, who was like a big sister to her) rather than classmates in love, then she could apply everything she knew to fighting them (Without hurting them, of course).

"Now, tell me who he spends the most time with first and I'll have our entire list searching every database known to man for any info we can find on them."

"Ah, of course," Laura nodded and typed into the holographic keyboard, "Her name's Houki Shinonono, age 15. Information on her should be easy to find due to her status as a civilian and Shinonono Tabane's younger sister."

Clarissa nodded rapidly and signed off, eager to do her search immediately. She could already assume that Ichika was, at the very least, at least slightly masochistic. Why else would he spend most of his free time with a girl who beats him with a wooden stick? Hmm, she should send a package full of whips next time as insurance.

Laura leaned back into her seat and smiled. Finally, Ichika was going to start paying attention to her again and all would be right with the world.

The automated door opened with a click and Charlotte stepped inside, carrying a bag full of groceries she had picked up with Ichika. She hummed cheerily to herself and unloaded all the groceries onto the small table.

"Laura, I got some curry ingredients from out of town," She called out to her relaxing roommate, "I'm gonna make some to see if I get any better. Do you want to help? We'll split it later if it turns out okay~" She knew Laura wouldn't say no.

"Yes, I believe I do." Laura smiled and took the pink apron from the holder, "What kind of curry are we making? I suggest chicken since it's already nighttime." She couldn't stop the hint of excitement that permeated her voice.

"Huh, you seem happy," Charlotte idly noted, "Did something good happen?"

"Oh, nothing much..."

Dark times were coming, a storm was making its way over IS academy and no one knew it was a sign. A sign of the coming doom that would engulf the small island. Soon, all of them would be engulfed by the indiscriminate doom and destruction.

...

Nah, just Ichika.

* * *

**Next update is whenever. Hope it's not too bad.**


	2. Dossier 1: Houki Shinonono

**This chapter is heavily inspired by Objective:EMIYA. As a result, one may see obvious similarities between this particular chapter and that one. After this chapter, however, I'll try my best to ensure that the chapter's remain unique (Mostly because Houki's already a combination of Rin and Saber, while all the others aren't really very similar except Charlotte and Sakura). **

**Anyway, I'll have probably 4 "main" chapters and then 1 "omake" chapter. I'm choosing to limit it to these 5 to ensure this doesn't last too long. The list is as follows.**

**Dossier 1: Houki Shinonono**

**Dossier 2: Cecilia Alcott**

**Dossier 3: Lingyin "Rin" Huang**

**Dossier 4: Charlotte Dunoa**

**Dossier 5: Tatenashi Sarashiki (Lol)**

**Chifuyu is excluded since Laura believes she can never catch up to her:P**

**Just reminding everyone that detail will be more sparse for this story compared to others. This really isn't meant to be taken seriously.**

* * *

Laura looked down at the holo-screen, both eyes narrowing as she focused on every slight detail. Her black and red eyepatch, usually perched atop her left eye, was weirdly missing.

"File indicates an excess amount of obsession with Kendo and physical activities," Laura's golden eye left eye glinted ominously as she spoke, "Seems to have a complex in regards to being associated with her sister, but is not above asking her for help if it suits her."

She was currently in the 'Love room", as Clarissa deemed to call it (War room just sounded bleak and depressing). Well, actually it was just her and Charlotte's room with a locked door. She'd tried to build a war room before in one of the more abandoned hallways, but Instructor Orimura had put a stop to the plan claiming it was a danger to the student.

As if. How could a wall mounted few turrets, an energy powered flak gun, some security camera's, and a tear gas dispenser be dangerous to anyone? It was practically bare bones compared to what she was used to.

Charlotte was out right now. She'd told Laura early in the morning that she would be studying on the cooking club room for new recipes all day and classes were suspended due to some media fiasco about a student using an Uchigane unit for vigilante work. She didn't really like to think about the implications of that on the treaty or whether it was just another one of the stupid author's crazy idea's.

"Physically fit for her age and with no distinct mannerisms apart from certain quirks," She took a second to write down 'blush then look to the left after yelling' on her note pad, "Seems to have a complex on her chest size, according to this security camera footage of the shower rooms." She felt a slight twinge of jealousy as she saw Houki grab her breasts and frown. If she didn't want them, then Laura certainly did.

Could she perhaps ask them from her? She wrote the thought down just in case.

"Though calm at most times, she exhibits slight homicidal anger when my wife (Ichika) shows attraction or even slight attention to another female except her," She leaned back onto her chair and nodded, "A very reasonable course of action, if I do say so myself. A wife should be faithful to their spouse no matter the circumstances. That's why he should be loyal to me."

Laura had an odd habit of talking out loud rather than thinking things. She was used to incapacitating anyone who eavesdropped or wasn't supposed to hear of her plans and she still hadn't gotten used to the fact that she wasn't allowed to do that anymore.

"Well, I think I have enough data on how to imitate her now," She really needed to learn to stop acting like she was making a speech every time she said something, "The VT system should allow me to copy most of her well known traits and make use of them to benefit myself should I forget."

She'd never really told it to anyone, but the VT system was still inside her. They probably thought it was gone when Ichika defeated her, but it was still there. Like a tumor, it was biding its time and staying inside her till it was able to spread. She never really worried about it, to be completely honest. It was benign at the moment, and it never really manifested outside at all anymore ever since the whole 'attack everyone using the instructor's combat abilities' incident. If it came out again, she would deal with it.

More importantly, it still allowed her to do something major: The replicating ability, the same ability she used to copy the instructor's combat abilities. With the VT system being benign at the moment, she really couldn't use it for much of anything. On the other hand, it did give her control and allow her to replicate people, given that she had enough information and will to do it. While she couldn't do any more IS combat with it, it was perfect for the job she had a right now. It was perfect for her current plan.

Laura placed the eyepatch back onto her head and did one final check, "Specially ordered Kendo sticks?" She looked to the side of the chair and picked up the heavy black box, "Check. Specially designed kendo uniform?" She looked back at the bed and saw the carefully folded black and blue outfit, "Check. Lastly, specially ordered items in case he turns out to have a liking for pain?" She felt her cheeks heat slightly as she gripped the leather handle of the whip, "Check."

Right, everything was here. Now all she had to do was get to it.

"Time for the plan to commence!"

* * *

"Goodbye, Ichika-san." Shizune gave the male pilot a smile and a wave as she went down the hallway, a gesture which Ichika returned, "Please make sure that you wake up early tomorrow to hand in the permission slip for both you and Kanzashi-san."

"Of course," Ichika nodded gratefully at the reminder, "And thanks again for helping me out earlier. You really saved my butt back there!"

Shizune gave a small giggle and waved off the compliment, "It's alright, really. It's my job as the vice-representative of the class to help out the leader. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" Ichika gave her a thumbs up sign and a small grin, "Just make sure you don't forget the permission slip tomorrow, okay? It was really troublesome to get that extra copy."

"Alright, alright..." Ichika was grateful for the extra permission slip, make no mistake, but he didn't like being constantly reminded every half hour to sign up all the forms. Him losing the first slip was just a onetime thing, "I'll see you later, Shizune-san!"

As he waved goodbye to her, Ichika suddenly felt a sense of dread as he entered his room. It wasn't the usual danger sense that he got when he was about to get attacked. If he had to describe it, he had to say that it was like the old line 'There was a disturbance in the force' that little green guy once said (He couldn't remember, it was a really old movie). Shaking off the weird feeling, he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

He instantly regretted it.

The first indication something was wrong was the lock to his automatic door suddenly clicking shut. The second thing he noticed was that his room was a mess: His bed's were unmade, the study table flipped over, and even the windows were broken. At the floor, he saw his extra uniforms and casual clothes strewn haphazardly, as if a tornado had passed through his classmate.

That wasn't the worst part, however. Oh no, it was the fact that Laura was sitting at the center of the room, acting like the wooden seat she was on was a throne room. She sat there, ignoring the 'carnage' of the room around her.

"L-Laura...?" He found it extremely difficult to talk, "What happened to the room...and what the heck are you wearing?" He did his best to keep his voice level, but his voice came out in small startled yells.

Laura was wearing...well, what the heck was it? The cloth's color was dark blue, with attached pieces of jet black metal at specific parts of the attire. The upper part reminded him of a kendo uniform, with loose long sleeves and a body armor like piece of metal covering the chest and back. Average and completely normal, right? That was where the normalcy ended. The lower parts of the attire, instead of being a mixture of hakama pants and fighting sandals, were instead replaced with a skirt that reached up to her knees and a pair of thigh high boots. The pieces of dark metal were attached to the skirt's sides and parts of the dark blue boots, reminiscent of straps.

All in all, it looked weird and confusing.

"Oh, you noticed?" She gestured to the clothes as if it was nothing unique, "I simply thought that I should dress properly for our training session. After all, one can't be too early in regards to Kendo training!" Her voice didn't sound like it's usual cold self. Instead, she sounded like a mix of dignified and angry, "I will warn you now that you should be prepared to get hurt, and that I will not baby you no matter how injured you get."

"Kendo? What the heck are you- Nevermind!" Ichika took deep breaths and tried to calm himself, "What the heck did you do to my room!? My bed is a mess, my clothes are all over the floor, and the desk is flipped over! What could you possibly have been doing to my room that needed you to do this!?"

"It's normal for me to do something like this. As your childhood friend (and your spouse), it is my duty to ensure that you do not get too close other girls." She informed him 'helpfully'.

"Childhood friend!?" Ichika nearly choked at the uncomfortable lump that formed at his throat, "What are you talking about? We just met each other a few months ago!" Laura gave him an odd look, as if he was the one spouting gibberish, "And what do you mean see if I've been close to any other girls? How does that equal to smashing up my room?"

" I was simply looking through your desk for any love letters and exchanged letters, your clothes to see if you have any scent or perfume from close contact with other girls, and under your bed to see if you have any lingerie or any other pieces of clothing from the other girls," Laura smiled as she finished, "I'm glad to say that I found no sign of any of these things in my observation's. Congratulations, you passed!"

"Oh, I'm really glad that I pass- as if!" He kicked the wall in frustration, "Quit acting like it's okay for you to do these kinds of things! Now, help me clean this up and-"

Instinct suddenly kicked in. Practicing Kendo with Houki and being taught IS combat ever since he entered the academy, he had grown accustomed to trusting his gut and making on the fly decisions when it came to certain things. And so, when he felt his gut tighten and his mind tell him to step back, he complied.

It seems he made the right decision. From where he was just standing, a black wooden sword was currently stabbed into the floor. With extreme discomfort, he noted that the metallic floor was sporting numerous cracks and breaks.

"Oh, good dodge!" Laura smiled as she picked the sword up again, "This sword is made of an especially lightweight and durable wood. I heard once that it can cause fractures with even the slightest contact," Ichika gulped nervously as he saw a giant hole form from where the sword was just stabbed, "It should prove as both an enjoyable and learning experience for the two of us... not that I care if you learn anything from this or anything," She said in her 'Tsundere' voice.

"Laura...waving around a sword like that when you're not properly trained is extremely dangerous! I think you should put it down and-"

"And then I can pull out the whips!" Ichika's face drained at the mention of the heard whips, "I've got a lot of variations! There's leather, metal, rope, and some even come with some optional spikes! ...You know, if you're into that kind of stuff," She reverted back to her 'Tsundere' tone.

"Laura, I think you've finally- Uwah!" Ichika yelled and leaped back, barely dodging Laura's extremely hard strike to his kneecaps. While Laura wasn't trained in Kendo or Japanese martial arts, the fact that she was an experienced and trained soldier well versed in CQC helped mitigate that little tidbit. Despite her short height and petite stature, she was well known to others as a very advanced and genetically enhanced Super Soldier. This combined with an instant-kill sword left Ichika a very worried a very worried boy indeed.

"Your dodging has gotten better! I'll add a second sword then!" Laura smiled lightly and picked up a second bokken, this time in a silver color, "This one is known to cause memory loss and concussions if used improperly. It's a good thing we've been doing Kendo since the two of us were children," Her face relaxed as she 'remembered' all the says they spent together.

"Laura, you need to stop this! We're not childhood friends, we didn't spar when we were younger, and I don't enjoy being given internal injuries! Now put those swords down or-"

*Click*

He stopped talking and looked down at his right foot. Under his school shoe, he saw a flashing piece of circular metal with a red light blinking eerily at the center. When he tried to remove his foot, he felt metallic claws snake around his leg and the metallic disk attach to his shoe.

"Laura...what is this thing?" To his credit, he managed to keep his voice level. This completely masked the fact that he was completely and utterly crying for his older sister inside his head.

"Oh, I see you've found my landmine!" Laura gasped and pointed excitedly at the device around his right foot, "I placed them all over the room while the two of us were sparring. You were so distracted by dodging that you didn't notice."

True to her word, he found the floor of his room practically covered with the circular weapons. How he missed her laying those out while he was in the middle of fighting for his life, he didn't know. Either way, he had better things to worry about.

"Laura...why is this thing clamped around my leg?" He asked her with an eerily calm voice.

"Oh, that's because it detonates either when the recipient moves too much or after 60 seconds of it sensing no movement whatsoever. It was made that way to ensure that no one could escape in case they get any idea's of trying to escape the blast."

"Uh-huh," Ichika nodded numbly, "So, how long till this thing detonates and how big will the blast radius will be? And does one mine's explosion trigger another?"

"Well...it was never really tested how long till the blast happens when the target moves," A hint of a blush spread across her cheeks, "And the blast shouldn't be too strong. Well, at least it didn't really give me more than a few 2nd degree burns when I got hit once."

He waited for her to answer his last question, but she looked away and refused to look him in the eye.

"Laura...does the blast cause a chain reaction or not?"

"Erm, well...I suppose it does" Laura smiled forcefully, "Maybe I should have thought this through a bit more...it seemed like a good idea at the time...I swear!"

"Laura?"

"Yes, my wife?"

"In a few seconds, the terror is going to reach my brain and I'm going to run away screaming like a little girl," The eerie calmness in his voice frightened even Laura, "I am going to jump from the window behind me, activate my IS, and pray to whatever God is out there that I won't die horribly and the shield will protect me."

"Ichika?" Laura looked uncomfortable for some reason.

"What is it?"

"You have around 10 seconds before that thing detonates...9, 8-"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The sounds of smashing glass echoed all over the room, along with Laura barely seeing Ichika's retreating figure as he activated Byaku-shiki's wings. She didn't have to wait long before the sound of a large explosion rocked throughout the campus.

Throughout all this, Laura only had one thing on her mind.

"...Does this mean our sparring is over? ...I was going to take out the whips next!"

**Dossier 1: Failed.**

* * *

**Dossier 1 finished. Next Dossier is either Rin or Cecilia, your choice**

**The girl Ichika was talking to is named "Takatsuki Shizune", Houki's roommate and a side character in the IS novel and anime. She's described as being "the most helpful person in class 1-1", along with little no sign of attraction to our oblivious hero. If you need more info, check the IS wiki.**

**Til next time!  
**


	3. Dossier 2: Cecilia Alcott

**Next chapter for This means War. I'm giving this as a so called New Years present for anyone who bothers reading these fics of mine. Anyway, I really have nothing to add other than I hope that you all enjoy the chapter and please leave comments, reviews, and constructive criticism. I'll be writing a question on the Author's note at the end, so please read it.**

**Also, for those who might not find this funny, this is supposed to be cringe comedy, meaning it's not meant to elicit laughter based off of joy or cheerfulness. You're meant to cringe and think WTF!?**

**Today's chapter will be about the graceful noble (pfft), Cecilia Alcott. This'll be a real trip.**

* * *

"Clarissa, I failed!"

The vice-commander of the Shwarzer Hase could do nothing but look pityingly at her commander as she continued to bawl noisily on the small table. Already she could see the edges of the poor piece of furniture start to crack from the grip the tiny super soldier was giving it and the sound of smashing wood being overtaken by the frustrated sounds the silverette gave out. It honestly stumped her how different the so called emotionless operative was.

"Now now, I'm sure there's a reasonable-" She stopped and flinched as the cracking sounds became more audible, "-reasonable explanation as to why you didn't succeed," She tried her best to placate the young commander, "Maybe he was just not in the mood right then?" A few nods followed her statement, "That's right, it was most likely just wrong timing! I'm sure you can do it if you try harder!"

Truth be told, Clarissa wondered to herself if this was such a good idea. Sure it seemed to make sense at the time when she blurted it out, but wouldn't advice such as "Be yourself" or "Just act natural" have been better? At least that's the vibe she got from reading that **'Horimiya' **manga she'd been addicted to recently. Now that she recalled, wasn't the only person who ended up trying to seduce the male lead by copying others usually the bad guy (or girl, as the case may be)?

...This wasn't good.

"Um...commander?" She ventured out hesitantly. No reply came from the slumped student, "Maybe I was wrong about this. Should you not try to be more honest about who you are?"

No response came from the young super soldier. Clarissa wondered to herself whether she should activate "the machine" already, which was pretty much made for situations like this, before the silverette suddenly stood up from her seat with a large thud. Kind of disappointing to the older woman since she wanted to see if it really worked. Not for any nefarious purposes, just curiosity.

"Yes, you're right!" Laura nodded firmly, "A solider never gives up! If you fail once, then heal yourself and go after the target again!" Well, not exactly the same principle, but it made sense to the soldier-girl, "Clarissa, I will be commencing the operation again. Make sure to check back in after doing that espionage operation on Rook Islands!"

It appears Laura had misinterpreted her words. While she was a girl, she was also a soldier first. There was no chance of her giving up now.

Clarissa barely had time to nod before the holo-screen turned off with an audible burst of static, _'Well, at least the Commander's more confident now,'_ She stood up with a slight sigh, _'Oh well, I'll check up on her later. I wonder what the islands will be like?'_

* * *

**Mission Briefing: Start**

"Next target of opportunity is Cecilia Alcott, scion of the Alcott family and current leader of both the household and all its businesses."

On the screen, written out in clear writing, was all the data the Shwarzer Haze had managed to procure about Cecilia and the Alcott family in general. Other than the obvious info such as events, personality, and whatnot, various security vids procured (not stolen) from the school's database also littered the screen. On it she could see the girls mannerisms and various actions, most of which weren't too hard to follow provided she focused hard enough.

"Cecilia Alcott, age 15. Nationality: English/British" Laura read from the scrolling biography, "Currently a Representative Candidate for Britain, she appears to harbor as sense of superiority due to her position. Understandable, but very foolish."

Laura never understood why exactly Cecilia got such a bloated head about it. Sure she had a bigger position than everybody else, but that position was given to her by her home country, and she should have given it the respect it deserved. Think of it like having a gun; you might have a bigger gun than everybody else, but it's a gun nonetheless. A tool, basically. You can feel pride that you're wielding the bigger ordinance, but it didn't make you a better person or higher than anybody else. Laura in particular, while feeling pride as being chosen as a Cadet, nevertheless used it only to serve the people she was loyal to or accomplish her goals. Her actions decided who she was, not her equipment.

"Based on interactions with Ichika (my wife) prior to being nearly defeated by him in the class tournament, it is highly likely that she became attracted to him after his show of strength to her." Now that made more sense to her. As a soldier, she didn't want her beloved to be some meek wallflower waiting for her to come back from the fight. Her preferred man would have been someone who was gentle, handsome, and could take care of themselves in a fight.

"Parameters are the standard flair for someone of her gender and age range, though the hair is longer and more stylized than most," She paused for a moment to examine her own hair; almost the exact same length counting her own stature, but the curls were missing and she had a complete lack of makeup on her as well. She'd need to rectify that later when making her preparations.

"Most interestingly, she seems to have perfected the fine art of making foods and provisions look perfectly healthy and delectable, and yet somehow nearing borderline poison in both tastes and effects." Now this had her intrigued. Long had all the members of the Haze tried - and failed- to perfect their skill in cooking to the point that they could slip in poisons unannounced. All of them failed, either because the food looked discolored from the extra addition or somehow the potential enemy could "feel" the poison coming. She needed to learn how to do this by the time she commended the operation.

The last thing she noticed is that, like Lingyin Huang, she also had the tendency to go into a sort of violent trance where her eyes became empty and she did an unnerving smile. Clarissa had often commented that this was called "Yandere mode" and that it was a staple for most girls in a "Harem series". In either case, she wouldn't try it out unless she was really desperate.

Now the first thing she needed to do was to break into Cecilia's room to procure (not steal) some new things she'd need to make this work. Another thing she needed to do was to make the door handle break after Ichika goes in; complicated, but not impossible for her. Next was her attitude, which had to be matched with the British girl's posh sense of superiority and grace. After that she should succeed.

"Alright, time to start!"

**Briefing: End**

* * *

**Mission: Start**

"Ah, that hurts!"

"Ichika-san, please hold still so you don't aggravate the burns and scrapes," Across from him, Shizune sighed softly as she dipped another cotton ball before holding it out to the aggravated teen, "Do you want to do it or should I?" She asked him gently.

Ichika thanked whatever God there was that he managed to pass by Shizune right after getting blown out of the sky. Not only did he not want to deal with questions from the others, not to mention the possibility of getting assaulted yet again, he needed to keep this a secret. Being the vice-class rep, she agreed to help him without asking too much on what happened or advising him to tell the teachers.

"Can you do it? I really don't want to do that right now," Ichika replied back, calmly as he could. He could barely make out Shizune giving him a sympathetic smile before holding up 3 fingers; she was going to count from 1 to 3 to let him get prepared.

"1, 2, 3." Ichika sucked in his teeth and did his best in order to not yell out. The cotton fabric laced with disinfectant and alcohol seared painfully into his skin, causing tears to nearly shrivel out of the sockets of his eyes. Why did everybody always insist on alcohol? It stung like a bee and he was pretty sure it didn't actually help in curing the wound. Thankfully she was being gentle in dabbing the soft fabric against his cheek or else he might not have been able to stop himself.

"That takes care of the cleaning, but we need to put a cloth bandage and some medical tape to make sure the wound heals right," She rummaged through the small box labeled 'medical supplies' for a moment before rolling out the two items, "This shouldn't hurt you, but you need to change the bandages in 12 hours to make sure that the burns stay clean and don't get infected. Do you understand?"

"Yeah...yeah, I understand..." Ichika sighed and nodded once again. Already he could tell that the next few days were going to be a giant pain in the behind, which was made even worse by the fact that he had no idea why this was happening. Laura apparently decided that being a psychopath would be funny and that she would test it on him, "Do I need to get any medicine or other things?" He asked wearily.

Shizune paused for a moment before pulling out a small pill bottle and handing it towards him, "Some low class painkillers, just so you can relieve some of the pain- Ah, ah ah!" She pulled back when Ichika made to grab them, "You're not supposed to take this till after your wounds are cleaned and bandaged, so I'll give it to you after we're done," Another roll of bandage was extracted from the small pack, "Now please stick out your arms and stuff this handkerchief into your mouth. It may get painful."

What happened next came as a blur to the poor teen. He distinctly remembered yelling into the handkerchief and biting it like it would solve all his problems, and Shizune giving out frequent sympathetic words and apologies, but most of it was just a blur to him. Still, at the end of it all he was bandaged fully and his wounds were on the way to healing.

"There, all done," She patted him on the head teasingly, "Just make sure not to get into any more explosions or blades or I might not be keeping this a secret anymore. Got it?"

"Got it."

With a smile in his face and relief in his heart, he finally made it back into his room, confident that he could put the entire incident behind. Surely Laura was just going through a phase and she would be alright come the next day. Right, all was going to be well and things would go back to normal for him and his group of psycho friends come tomorrow.

"Oh, you're back!"

And that futile hope died the second he opened his room door.

"Laura...what are you doing here...again?" He was sure that his voice was cracking from the forced politeness and the nervousness he was desperately trying - and failing - to keep in check, "I-I mean, what brings you here?"

"..." The blank, condescending stare the super soldier gave him was extremely unnerving, even more so than the fact that Laura was completely silent for possibly the first time he'd know her, "...Well?" She finally uttered after a tense moment of silence.

"Well...what?" The only male pilot replied back warily. Was there something wrong again? Did he somehow screw up and send her deeper into spiraling insanity? Please let that not be the case, lest he lose more of his sanity and health. Mostly his health.

Laura didn't say anything, only clicking her tongue in disappointment after 30 seconds of God awful silence. Ichika felt himself stiffen (and not in the good way) and not so subtly made his way to the door-

"Hold it!"

Or he would have, if not for the fact that Laura suddenly stood up and practically stomped over to him like a raging storm about to hit. Instantly he could feel the nervousness and fear from earlier start to manifest again, and even worse now that she looked outright hostile rather than cheerfully insane (boy that sounded odd).

Regardless, Ichika prepared himself for the worst. Would it be another explosion? Or maybe more attempted stabbings? Either way he prepared himself. He would fight tooth and nail to save himself from any angle of attack.

"Hey, you idiot, don't you notice anything different about me?" Laura asked softly, much to his surprise and considerable paranoia. Was she planning another attack?

Cautiously, like a man faced with a loaded gun, he took a deep breath and slowly opened his eyes. it took him only a moment to grasp the difference; she looked completely different.

The first thing he noticed about her was the eyepatch, as in the fact that she wasn't wearing it on her face right now, meaning her golden eye was exposed for him to see. The second thing he noticed was the presence of make-up, which he knew from experience Laura NEVER wore due to her pride as a soldier. It also tipped him off that something was immensely wrong with her right now.

Other things marked the change in her appearance such as minor curls at the end of her long hair and - he didn't know how he missed this - the fact that she was wearing a dress of all things. A dress! And it wasn't one of those casual dresses he saw her wear from time to time, but a full-blown impractically large dress with frills and various other assortments. Ichika noted awkwardly to himself that he'd seen the dress somewhere before and, based on the fact that it looked really loose on the small-ish girl, he had a good hunch on where she took it from.

"Well..." She started off expectantly, "What do you think?" She did a small twirl, "I made sure to be on my best behavior and attire, as is befitting one in my position."

"Uh...you look good?" The words came out more of a question than a statement. Ichika was grasping, no doubt immensely confused by the odd behavior of the commander of the Haze. She was never one for make-up or frilly dresses, but rather for camouflage and practical shirts and pants. To see her like this felt wrong somehow.

Not that she wasn't pretty - Ichika himself would never say that - it was just that something felt...off about the look she was sporting. Laura was often likened to a doll in terms of cuteness and her personality added a lot to the assumption. But now, seeing her made up and dressed like some mannequin about to be put on display, it gave him the feeling that something was innately _wrong_ about the entire thing, he just didn't know what.

"Hmph, that's all?" Down went Ichika's mouth when the obviously forced snob accent reached his ears, "I should have known better than to expect someone of your stature to notice the differences in my style," She flipped her hair back, with Ichika ignoring the fact it took about 3 seconds since her hair was so long, "Very well, I suppose I should take care not to be offended. After all, I came here to offer you a meal."

Okay, first meek hesitance and now outright snobiness? Something was definitely wrong with his favorite (and only know apart from that one pen-pal he had) soldier girl. Even he could tell she was forcing himself, though that came as no surprise since Ichika prided himself as a very empathic person. He knew others feelings well and would never, ever, be confused or misconstrue them.

Still, food sounded great right now, and he knew that Laura had been improving the past few month's thanks to Charlotte's guidance. Shizune also told him that eating food was pretty much a requirement unless he wanted to stay up with stomach cramps from ingesting the medicine.

"Alright, sounds good." For the first time that evening, Ichika actually sighed in relief in Laura's presence, "I'm so hungry that I can eat a horse right now,"

"Well, you would, being in your position and all," Laura once again folded to her fake 'nobility accent', "But I'm afraid you'll have to be disappointed as I consider the killing of horses, and people in general, to be extremely barbaric." . With a capital B. There was no way Laura, under any normal circumstances, would say that. Something was obviously wrong here. Were he a comic book fan, he would have said something about his insect sense tingling or some other such nonesense.

He didn't have to ask what she meant on the food department, however, as looking at the small table made it rather obvious exactly what she meant by her statement: There was practically a feast there. He could see a mixture of western dishes such as salads and sandwiches mixed in with various stews and other meals in stock. It was a feast fit for a king.

"Wow Laura, you made all this?" He couldn't keep the astonishment from reaching his voice.

"Of course!" She nodded rapidly, "Someone such as I would obviously have no problems with making a meal as gallant as this."

He decided not to argue with her. Rather than waste pointless times he could have used to stuff himself silly, he quickly sat on the wooden chair and clasped his hands together before uttering, "Itadakimasu!" and excitedly plunging the spoon in the stew.

If only he was smart enough to realize that doing so was an incredibly foolish idea.

The first reaction said a lot about it; already he could feel the bile rise to his throat and the feeling of dizziness and weakness spread across his entire body from the first bite alone. Strength began to leave him and his vision started to fade as the god-awful monstrosity in disguise slithered its way down his throat and into his stomach.

"Laura...what is this?" He managed to mutter weakly.

Laura, despite the situation, looked absolutely beaming with pleasure at his pained reaction, "Hm? It's the prized cooking that I'm known for, silly," She bonked him on the head lightly, which was enough to cause a migraine for the pained teen, "Although I was unable to copy the other's natural skill in making her dish, I was able to copy the effects using various low doses of poisons and old style arsenics such as Cantarella."

"P-Poison!?"

"Yes, as I lacked the natural skill in making the deceptive cooking, I had to measure the poison carefully and add them in small doses. I'm pretty sure I'm accurate...mostly."

Ichika couldn't be bother to reply. Consciousness had already left him and traces of blood started to seep into his saliva and into the table. Perhaps Laura had overdosed him by accident?

"Um...Ichika?" She shook his shoulders hesitantly, "Uh...I have the cure right here." She pulled out the glass bottle and placed it right next to his comatose head, "Um...I'll be going now."

With Ichika's silence as her only companion, she left the room in a slump, passing by the bemused form of Takatsuki Shizune on the way back to her room. Her plan had failed, and she was no closer to her objective, but she wouldn't give up. She had a few other people on her list and she wouldn't stop. She'd obviously made a mistake focusing on the cooking aspect, so she needed to focus on the "yandere syndrome" Clarissa had told her about. Perhaps that would garner better luck? She wouldn't know till she found out.

**Mission: Failed**

* * *

**Here's the question: For the Tatenashi bonus chapter, should I keep Laura in her loli body or temporarily give her a more mature one? Your choice, and I can milk either for all the comedy its worth, considering who she'll be copying. **

**Next chapter: Lingyin Huang.**


	4. Dossier 3: Huang 'Rin' Lingyin

**Now we take a nosedive into the Yandere territory :/ Good thing I watched a few Yandere shows just in case.**

* * *

**Briefing: Start**

"Clarissa, are you there?" Laura sighed, staring at the static that responded to her call. It was to be expected, of course: Clarissa and the entire Haze were on that mission to Rook Islands, and keeping radio silent was proper procedure. Still, she would have a harder time doing this now that she didn't have her second in command's advice.

She sighed. Why was this so hard? Was she somehow wrong in what she was doing?...No, that was impossible. She'd formulated this plan and she could see no flaw in it. And after all, Clarissa had told her that she was right. What could go wrong?

Nodding to herself, she turned off the communication link and focused on the Holo-screen. On it were various images of Huang Lingyin; known to her friends as 'Rin'. She'd gathered up everything she could: Security feeds, magazine's of her modeling photo's, her IS data, and even some of her clothes. If she wanted to recreate everything perfectly, then she would need everything.

"Subjects name is Huang Lingyin, representative cadet of China," She removed her eyepatch in order to soak all the information in, "Files indicate that she was ostracized in middle school by her peers due to both her foreign heritage and the fact that her name was similar in terminology to the Japanese word for bamboo," She went ahead a few more files, "My wife was the first to save her and she fell for him soon after. The sequence of events are similar to the psychological phenomena known as the 'Suspension Bridge effect'.

It was similar to her in a way. Her wife had saved her from the Valkyrie Trace system (although Charlotte was there to help him) and she had found herself falling in love with him afterwards. A cynic would have told her that she was mistaking gratefulness for love, to which she would reply that they should mind their own business and let her do what she wanted. She knew her feelings.

But for all her research, she couldn't see a single thing about Rin that she could use. She was dishonest with her emotions, but so was Houki so that couldn't be used. She felt pride as a Cadet, but Cecilia had her beat in that department and her wife certainly didn't react positively to her actions. So the only other

"Need to focus on this so called Yandere syndrome," She clicked her tongue and grabbed for the hair ties at the table. If she wanted to do this right, then she would need the hairstyle. She narrowed her eyes and focus on Rin's ID picture. She needed to get the twintails just right so it would be a cross between how cute, feminine, and scary when angered she would be.

Her hair done, she began to playback the video's from the security feeds. Most of it was the same thing: her wife did something offensive - mostly looking at other girls - and Rin did something violent in response. But this wasn't enough. Violence was part of the process, but it wasn't the entire thing. She could see him exhibit fear when these moments happened, something he lacked when faced with enemies to be fought against. The pain wasn't important.

"Wait..." She activated the VT and looked closer. There was something else there; subtle, but it was recognizable- "...Ah," Okay, now she understood. It wasn't the pain of violence - her wife got that from everyone at some point - it was the small signs. Looking at the video again, she smiled as she recognized the signs.

There were many factors into making the proper Yandere. The first was making the eyes appear blank, removing the coloration of the iris and ensuring that only absolute one color remained. She marked something into her notebook before grabbing for her cellphone. When she was with the Haze she preferred to order by mail order, mostly because she found leaving the base for anything except a mission to be pointless. IS academy students got prime time delivery, after all: There in thirty minutes or less!

The second part was weaponry. While she could just pull out her IS whenever she wanted, the sight of a weapon that appeared out of sci-fi often took fear out of someone, especially since most IS were hardwired and programmed to avoid attacking civilians and other pilots unless they were attacking the pilots in return. She suspected this was the reason Rin hadn't gotten arrested yet. Still, she could probably pull out a few of her old combat knives. She also had an axe that she kept around for emergencies like fire or being trapped in a room.

The third part was expressions. In the video's, Rin and any other Yandere tended to have smile on their faces, and even laughter the closer they got to their target. This was one of the best distinctions: She'd faced enemy soldier's before, but calling them Yandere's would be extremely inaccurate. It wasn't hostility and intent to kill, but the idea that you're doing it for happiness and love rather than hostility or terrorism. The irony of the whole thing would cause anyone to be panicked. She would need to smile a lot when stalking her wife for this little operation.

The fourth part would be the mood. Lighting and music could affect a lot. Yandere's certainly weren't as scary when their targets of affection were standing in the middle of the crowd of students well-versed in IS combat and/or martial arts in the middle of a brightly lit hallway. She would need to disable or destroy the generator, in addition to barring the other students into their rooms. No doubt Sarashiki or Shinonono would interfere if they saw her trying anything. She would likely get fined for her actions, but that was fine. Those twenty million euro's were wasting away at her bank account anyway.

She'd also need some music. She could perhaps just add some loud music, but watching horror movies with her friends taught her that ambient music made things scarier than actual loud noises, especially when it came to to stalkings. She could probably get some piano recordings, classical music, or a girls nursery rhymes. 'Twinkle twinkle little star' and 'Rock a bye baby' would work well if she could get them.

The fifth, and most important part, was love- Scratch that, she was already perfect in that department. What she needed then was the opposite: Anger and Hate. Yandere's were classified by their subtle anger and hostility being paired with their not-so-subtle violence and possessiveness/obsessiveness. Right now she felt no hatred or anger for her wife - How could she? He was perfect - so she needed to think of something that enraged her and then somehow transfer those feelings to her beloved.

The only thing she could remember was that incident during that foreign treaty mission. The Haze, along with an American Platoon with experimental wannabe IS knock-offs, were sent in as a good luck charm to ensure that whatever was happening there would be successful (They didn't ask what exactly was happening; a soldier obeys their superiors without questions unless it was about betrayal of the country).

Things were going well till one of the UG's created (Bladewolf was its designated name, if she could remember) went AWOL and decided that it wanted to leave the mission. She distinctly remembered it killing the leader of the US platoon (A brute who went by the codename of Khamsin) and then fighting her when she attempted to stop it. While she wanted to say she beat it no problems, her younger age and inexperience with actually using an IS in combat or flight ended with her unit being destroyed and said UG slicing her arm off. It was only due to Clarissa and the squad's arrival that it was forced to retreat.

Good thing her body was made to heal from dismemberment, or she would've actually gotten traumatized by losing an arm.

But it did its trick. Recalling the wolfish monstrosity calling her a 'Machine that simply follows orders' and beating her caused a feeling of white hot rage to spread through her. Perfect, now all she needed to do was read those manga's she'd bought earlier. One depicted the picture of a smiling pink haired girl, her eyes blank and a smile on her face as she 'hid' an axe behind her back. The other was of a school, prominently advertising something about a 'NICE BOAT' on all caps at the previews on the back. This would certainly help her.

This plan was perfect. After she acted horrifying, her wife would realize that, despite his fear, he still loved her and they would live happily ever after. After all, what could push love more than fear itself? It was foolproof

Giggling to herself, she picked up the book and smiled cheerfully, as if she wasn't planning to horribly traumatize someone with an axe.

* * *

"That hurts~!"

Ichika suppressed the urge to cry as Shizune applied another injection to his already pin-cushioned arm. The helpful girl smiled in sympathy before pulling the back of the syringe up, absorbing more blood and - more importantly - the poison in his bloodstream. It was a good thing the detox was next to him, or there was a likely chance of him choking on his own blood and dying slowly as he lost breath and the overpowering taste of iron took over his taste buds.

...Boy that was dark.

"This is the third time I've helped you these past few days alone," She remarked lightly, applying a bandage to the slightly bleeding puncture wound, "First the form, then your wounds, and now even poisoning. Maybe I should start charging for my services," She half-joked.

"Please don't, I don't think I'll be able to pay you back," He attempted to smile, though he ended up coughing as his body started adjusting to the loss of the poison, "Damn, I have no idea what's happening with Laura. Its almost like she's gone insane."

"Why don't you tell the teachers or some of your friends?" She suggested, "They might be able to stop her from doing these things. Doesn't Laura-san listen to Orimura-sensei? I bet if you told her, all of this would be solved easily."

"I wish I could," He sighed, grabbing wearily for his uniform, "Orimura-sensei and most of the teacher's left for a meeting and won't be back till next week. Houki's at her Kendo meet, Cecilia's doing some business with her family fortune, Rin's been recalled to China for IS research, and Charlotte's with the Home-ec club with that field trip. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this."

"Right, forgot about Houki-san mentioning that last night. Well, what about Sarashiki-senpai or her younger sister?" She took pity on him and picked up his uniform top from the opposite chair. Since she needed to pump the poison from his body, it would've been inefficient if he kept his uniform. While normally he would object to stripping in the same room as a girl, the fact that he would have died dampened on any shame he might have.

"Kanzashi's busy with getting her official unit, and I doubt she can help me since she was scared of Laura the last time we had lunch together?" He sighed, "And Sarashiki-senpai?...Telling her might make things worse. Last I checked, she and Laura didn't really get along, and getting her involved might agitate things more than they already are," Laura was already scary enough, he didn't want to see what would happen if she turned angry.

"Alright, I hope you know what you're doing," She sighed as she took a few more pills out of the medicinal storage, "We need to give you a couple of painkillers and then another dose of the detox to make sure you don't have any more spasms. Sleeping pills might help, but take them only when its absolutely necessary. We don't want you to die of overdose in your sleep."

Ichika nodded and downed the painkillers and (foul tasting) detox without a word. Thinking back on it, he really did owe a lot to Shizune-san for all she did in helping him these past few incidents. Whenever one of the other girls attacked him - Which was becoming more frequent the past few weeks - the others tended to ignore it in favor of scolding him for being a 'pervert'. He had to admit that having someone help him without blaming him felt...nice.

"Thanks for everything, Shizune-san. I think-" Another bout of weakness overtook him as he stood up, causing him to fall forward. Shizune saw this and attempted to catch him, which was met with a lack of success if the resounding crash was any indication.

"Ouch~!" She shook her head to get rid of her dizziness, "Ichika-san, are you alright?"

"Huh?" He mumbled confusedly, "Uh, yeah, just weak. Sorry for...falling on you," God, she was so close, and he was naked from the chest up. This looked like a scene straight out of a romantic comedy. And this was usually the time where he would get punched or smacked, along with being branded as a pervert.

"No, its alright," She sighed, "You really shouldn't be walking in your condition, but there's nothing much you can do about it," She started pushing at his chest lightly, "Can you stand? Its almost curfew time and the others are probably already going back to their rooms. If you want to go back to your room without answering questions, now would be the best time."

Ichika was stunned into inaction for a few seconds before he realized that he was still on top of her, "S-Sorry," He scrambled of her clumsily. He was honestly surprised. No violence? No acting like they were about to copulate? No accusations of him doing it on purpose? Surprising. He'd gotten so used to that treatment the past few months that he gave up on explaining.

"Its alright," A slight blush tinged her cheeks despite her words, "Ichika-san, put on your clothes quickly and make sure to take all the required medicines on time. It won't do any good if you collapse on the hallway," She pushed her uniform back at him, "And make sure to wear your clothes, too. We don't want to give anyone the wrong idea."

Ichika coughed awkwardly at her words and accepted the uniform hastily. He still needed to think of a way to take care of Laura's little psychotic episodes, and he couldn't rely on Shizune-san to help him forever. He needed to last till next week, and by then Chifuyu-nee would be back and everything would be alright with the world again.

"Ichika-san-"

"Just call me Ichika," He interrupted before he realized what he just said, "I mean, you've saved my life twice at this point, so there's no need to be so formal."

"I guess," She nodded, "Then call me Shizune-chan or Shizune. Its not really fair when only I do it, right?" She tapped him on the shoulder playfully, "And be careful going back. Check your room first to see if anyone's there and make sure to have an escape route just in case you have to run again. Your IS is still being repaired, so you need it."

"Thanks, Shizune-chan."

* * *

**Mission: Start**

Ichika walked slowly down the halls of the dorm, making sure to look behind his shoulder every few seconds to make sure the crazed super soldier wasn't prepared to stab him with a syringe and drag him off to play a game with a bear trap. Now all he needed to do was make it to his room and barricade the door for a few days and he would be-

...

Did all the lights just go out?

Ichika looked around nervously, his heart rate spiking as he realized that he wasn't hallucinating: The lights had gone out, drowning the entire hallway in inky darkness. He could feel his breath hitch up and his hand twitch as he heard the soft, barely noticeable sounds of shoes clicking on the ground. Okay, he needed to calm down. It was probably just one of the students.

The speakers on the walls suddenly turned on in a blare of static, nearly giving him a heart attack. An announcement at this time? "Twinkle twinkle little star! How I wonder what you are~" The children's song blared all around him, sending uncomfortable shivers down his skin. Usually he would find the song relaxing and cheerful, but standing in the darkness by himself, he couldn't see anything cute about it.

"I~chi~ka~" A soft voice whispered through the darkness. Ichika almost broke down then and there; he recognized that voice, and the sweet way she was speaking reminded him eerily of a certain flat chested childhood friend. Oh whatever God was out there, please let him get out of this alive! He didn't deserve this!"

"Ichika~ Where are you~" The footsteps became louder. Damn it, he couldn't see anything in this blackout! He was finding it hard to breath. What the heck was going on? She was acting too oddly. What was going to happen to him now? He didn't want to die, there were so many things he didn't get to do yet!

"You can't hide from me~" Oh God, he could hear scraping sounds on the walls. He could recognize the friction: The sound of a knife being dragged against a wall painfully. And if he had learned one thing, it was that Laura with knives was a very horrible thing. He once found her running through the halls looking for a medic with a picture of him that was stabbed though with her combat knife. He didn't ask.

The footsteps were close now, almost too close for comfort. As much as he didn't want to, he found himself inching forward, if only to try and put some distance between her and him.

"Found you~"

But it was futile. Ichika found himself crashing to the ground at the sound of Laura's voice. She was right next to him; he could feel her breath tickling his ear. Trying to keep conscious he, found himself backing away slowly until his back hit against the wall. A dead end. He was trapped, and the only thing in front of him was Laura.

And what a sight she was. She was covered head to toe in (fake, but he didn't know that) blood and her hair was styled in twintails that he would've found cute if she didn't look like she'd just finished robbing a blood bank, "What's wrong, Ichika, were you entranced by my beauty?" She twirled around, splattering even more blood on the white dress she wore, "But what are you doing over there?"

Laura gave a serene smile, walking forward slowly and dragging the knife against the wall. Ichika shivered as the trail of (fake) blood smeared against the wall like a miniature timer. Once she reached him, that would be it. He could kiss his life goodbye- Did she just lick the knife!? Ichika cringed as he saw her tongue slither's up the knife's flat side, licking up blood in the process and smearing her lips with them. She was completely insane.

He did the only thing he could as a respectable man.

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" He ran, faster than he knew he could, pushing past Laura and screaming into the hall. Laura's smile vanished briefly before she giggled. The chase was always one of the best parts.

But first she had to get her axe.

He continued to run, uncaring of where he was going or where he would eventually end up - He just wanted to get out of there. The lights flickered on for the briefest of moments, but it was enough for him to see: Laura stood there silently, a large blood covered axe in her right hand. She looked up and smiled when she saw him, her blank eyes flickering with the barest traces of life.

And then she ran towards him.

Ichika doubled back and ran faster, adrenaline the only thing keeping him going. He could hear her; her axe was being dragged through the floor like a jagged broom. He noted at the back of his head that the floor was going to be thoroughly messed up after this.

"I~see~you~"

Okay, he needed to think about the floor later! He tripped down onto the stairway and he found himself crashing down down the stairway, "Ah!" His arm was aching, and possibly broken. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to stand and nearly fell onto the floor again. Damn, his leg was sprained. Great, now his running speed was about halved.

Another flicker of light and he saw something that caused actual relief: His dorm room! Looking behind him briefly, he smashed open the door before closing it behind him with a loud slam. Just to make extra sure, he activated all the locks and pushed the chair against it. That should keep her out, right?

"Ichika...why is this door locked?" He saw the doorknob shake slightly as Laura tried to forcefully open it, "Is there another girl there? There is, isn't there? I'llkillherI'llkillherI'llkillherI'llkillherI'llki llherI'llkillherI'llkillherI'llkillherI'llkillherI 'llkillherI'llkillherI'llkillherI'llkillherI'llkil lherI'llkillherI'llkillherI'llkillherI'llkillheI'l lkillherI'llkillher!"

The doorknob's shaking had gotten stronger and more chaotic. Ichika stepped back shakily and hid under his blanket. It was pathetic, but it was the only thing he could do at this point. The only other option would be to jump out the window, and he wasn't sure suicide by falling was the best option right now. He still had a lot to live for.

The shaking stopped. Ichika looked up in relief. Did she give up? Maybe she got tired and he would be safe for tonight. It would at least allow him to barricade the door and make a supply run to the cafeteria. He would be able to survive this!

A crack on the wooden door dashed all those hopes to the ground. He could see the edge of her axe at the door, "Hey, Ichika, I think we should get married, don't you? Just a small wedding with the two of us, the priest, and your perverted friend as the witness. No one else should be there, not even the instructor. It wouldn't do for you to get distracted now, would it?"

The door began to splinter as she continued to slash into the wooden material. She brought the axe down one last time before she cutting the door cleanly in half. Ichika continued to shiver in his head, hoping beyond all possibilities that she wouldn't notice his obviously shivering body from under his blanket.

And based on the giggle she gave when she looked at his bed, she evidently did.

Ichika nearly wet himself when Laura pulled the blanket off of him. He didn't even have a chance to try and run away before Laura was on top of him, pinning him to the bed and with one hand and brandishing a knife with the other, "I want to have lots of kids. Do you want to have lots of kids?" He nearly crapped his pants when she slit his belt. A subtle threat, but a threat nonetheless.

"Yeah...yeah!" He nodded quickly, trying to ignore the (fake) blood beginning to fall on his forehead and cheeks, "Whatever you say! Now why don't you just get off me and we can-"

"I'm glad you approve," She giggled and hugged him tightly, "I want to have lots and lots of kids. We're going to live in a big house on the hill, with a garden, a little dog, the perfect place just for us and our kids. But our kids shouldn't love you too much, for their own sake of course," She giggled and slit the button off his pants, "Yes, for their own sake. And you would never cheat on me, right? You'll love me forever and ever~"

Her hands slithered down his trousers, just barely making contact with his boxers. That was all he was capable of taking: He fainted, barely even feeling the knife nearly hitting against his skin. Laura looked down, confused as she saw the rapidly spreading stain between his legs. That wasn't how she thought this would go.

He was supposed to hug her and let her he loved her. Maybe pushing down his pants wasn't such a good idea? Damn, she thought teasing him would stimulate him. Didn't danger and flirting go hand in hand? Clarissa told her that flirting during a gunfight was the best time.

She sighed. This was obviously mission failed. Her wife fainting and losing control of his kidneys certainly wasn't the best of results. Frowning, she stood off of him and began to wipe the (fake) blood off and grimaced at the stickiness. Didn't she appreciate the effort he took into wearing this embarrassing dress and smearing all this blood? And carrying that axe was so annoying.

So being a murderous and crazy lover obviously didn't work. She needed a new strategy. Obviously violence wasn't working at all.

**Mission: Failed**

* * *

**This wasn't too scary, but I need to keep to my T rating here. Cookie for anyone who can guess all the easter eggs for this chapter. I'll update either Reversal or The Soldier and the Bride next. You guys decide.**


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